


Diamond Mind

by Flavortext



Series: CR lgbt week [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: (ship doesnt come until the end really), (was originally beau/yasha/jester but I was informed of age differences and edited to respect that, F/F, LGBT crdnd week, Resurrection Rituals, Team as Family, we're all love Yasha So Much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-03
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-11-08 18:18:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17986229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flavortext/pseuds/Flavortext
Summary: RAGE BEYOND DEATHBeginning at 14th level, the divine power that fuels yourrage allows you to shrug off fatal blows.While you 're raging, having 0 hit points doesn't knockyou unconscious. You still must make death savingthrows, and you suffer the normal effects of takingdamage while at 0 hit points. However, if you would diedue to failing death saving throws, you don't die untilyour rage ends, and you die then only if you still have 0hit points.





	Diamond Mind

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first piece for #LGBT crdnd week! This discord is so fun to mod for/be a part of! Check out the "LGBT crdnd week" tag on tumblr or @fjrumpkin (my blog) 'cause I'll be rebloging p much everything + the info post! 
> 
> WARRIOR OF THE Gods  
> At 3rd level, your soul is marked for endless battle. If a  
> spell , such as raise dead , has the sole effect of restoring  
> you to life (but not undeath), the caster doesn't need material components to cast the spell on you.
> 
> unbetta'd we die like men

Yasha doesn’t fall until after Beau throws the last punch. The giant they’ve been fighting has been down for what feels like ages, though it’s been more like ten seconds. The scraggly undead minions it brought up from the ground fall easily, but there are enough of them to pick off that Beau gets distracted, breaking away from where she and Yasha were wailing on the giant to pick them off before they can get too close to the pile of rocks Caleb and Nott are hiding behind, or the hill Fjord had Misty Stepped to in order to down a healing potion. Caduceus comes up over the hill and places a hand on Fjord’s shoulder, and Jester blinks back into this reality behind the husk of a burnt tree, and Beau wipes gore off her fist and scans the battlefield for the final member of her family.

She turns just in time to watch Yasha hit the ground. 

“Yasha-CADUCEUS!” Beau yells, turning and practically skidding across the muddy ground to where Yasha lies. Beau tries to fight back the bile that grows in her throat at the sight of the bruises and gashes along the woman’s shoulders and back, but they’ve had worse, right? She pushes Yasha over, which is a harder task than she anticipates and lets out a choked primal sound at the sizable  _ dent _ in her forehead. She’d seen the giant’s club swing down, but Yasha had stood right back up, and she was on the other side at that point and had been fighting and- how could she not have  _ noticed.  _

“Jester- get over here!” Beau shouts, just as a warm hand touches her shoulder and Caduceus kneels in the mud. Beau wipes mud out of Yasha’s eyes but only makes the bloody mess of her brow worse, and there’s another hand on her shoulder- wrapped in bandages, smelling like cinders- Caleb pulls her back and out of the way as Jester makes her way to them, kneeling down on the other side of Caduceus just as he finishes checking for Yasha’s pulse. Beau can only hear the blood rushing in her ears, there are words being said around her but all she sees is a startling double image of Molly on the ground surrounded by grass and fresh snow, and Yasha splattered with blood and muck. A small hand slips into hers, Nott squeezing hard enough to bring Beau back to the moment, at least enough to catch her breath in her throat and swallow back acid. Fjord bends next to her and meets her eyes. 

“They’re going to set up a resurrection, it’s been more than a minute, but they’re bringing her back. Breathe.” Fjord holds her gaze sternly until Beau manages to force herself to nod, raising a muddy hand to wipe tears away and then scrambling at her pockets for the diamonds they’d distributed between everyone what feels like so long ago. 

“You- Jes, how many do you need?” Beau shakes off Caleb and Nott, shuffling back beside Caduceus and offering the three cut gems she carries. Jester looks up from where she’s pulling a stick of incense and a candle from the bag of holding, eyes just barely holding back tears and lip quivering as she just stares before responding. 

“It’s five-hundred gold- in diamonds - for this spell, so I’ll use all mine and take that big one- we can get more later, it’s okay.” Jester takes the biggest diamond from Beau and flounders for a second before Caduceus smooths Yasha’s shawl down over her chest (also covering some nastier looking gashes) and taps the spot over her heart. Jester nods and places the diamond amongst the dirt matted fur, then surrounds it with another small handful of similarly cut gems. They glint in the midday sun in a way that has Beau transfixed through her tears, shimmering back and forth. She just stares and holds Yasha’s quickly cooling hand while Jester and Caduceus light candles and incense, not doing much to get the smell of blood and rotting away, but it’s probably more of a symbolic thing, Beau thinks. 

They eventually make her move back, just long enough for Caduceus to arrange Yasha’s arms to be crossed loosely over her stomach, and to place the candles at points around her. He finally stands and gestures for Beau to take his space. 

“Ms. Lavorre is going to cast it, it’s best that those who have known her longest contribute.” He explains, frowning and touching her shoulder, warm healing magic radiating from his fingertips and righting a few painful places in Beau’s ribs and knuckles that may have been breaks she’s been steadfastly ignoring. Caduceus steps back, joining Fjord where Caleb has cast the door to his Mansion and casting another Cure Wounds on him before stepping through the shimmering doorway. 

Beau puts a hand on Yasha’s, knowing it’s an empty action and careful not to mess up any of the arrangement, while Jester struggles with shaky hands to move Yasha’s bag and extract her flower pressing book, placing it on the woman’s stomach. Jester’s hand clenched and then falls to rest on top of Beau’s. 

“We’ll get her back, Caddy just went to grab the others, okay?” Jester says hoarsely. Beau just forces herself to nod, then turns her hand to hold Jester’s tightly. 

“I know you will.” Beau says, squeezing Jester’s hand and forcing herself to breathe slower. Jester squeezes back before letting go, sitting back on the folds of her dress, caked in mud, and poking a candle over a little so it won’t risk catching her sleeve. Beau turns at a sound to see Nott come out of the Mansion, Caleb and Caduceus right behind him. Caleb has frumpkin draped around his shoulders but tiredly snaps him away as he passes Fjord, brushing shoulders with the half-orc as he comes to stand behind Jester. Nott kneels in the space between the two candles near Yasha’s head, digging around in her bag for something. Fjord squeezes Caleb’s shoulder and then comes to stand behind Beau. Almost automatically she reaches up and finds his hand, holding it over her shoulder as a reassuring anchor. 

“We uh, doing this?” His voice is thick, and Beau feels his hand shaking under hers. 

“Yeah, right.” Jester says, and then she closes her eyes and mouths some words, and places her holy symbol from her hip over the book and Yasha’s folded hands. There’s a slight brush of hair that makes the hairs on the back of Beau’s neck tingle, and then Jester leans back and looks to Caduceus anxiously. He smiles at her, and then kneels, mud squelching around the leg plates of his armor. He clears his throat before speaking. 

“Yasha, I have known you the least, of all your friends who are about to speak. But even so, you choose to share something incredibly personal with me, and Jester, after not knowing me very long. I know going now might be tempting, there’s a woman on the other side who loves you, but when you open your eyes you’re going to see people who love you just as much, and they need you back. You will be reunited with Zualla one day, but you should not let that sadness draw you away from the life you have, here, with these people.” Caduceus picks up his staff from where it’s resting by his side, and scrapes a bit of lichen off of it in a sheet, cracking the cover of Yasha’s book open and tucking it inside. He then nods and pushes himself to his feet again. 

“I will, uh, go.” Caleb says, stepping forward. Nott steps up with him, holding his hand tightly. She pulls from one of her pockets a bundle of slightly crushed lilacs. 

“I found these when we were on the road this morning, and I was going to put them in Caleb’s hair and give some to you but then we got jumped and now we’re here. I’m sorry, I should have done it right away. But I’m gonna do it right now, for all of us, because you’re my friends-my family, and I want to make sure all of you are always around, because we’re better when we’re all together. Okay?” Nott says, hiccuping occasionally around tears. Caleb clears his throat before speaking. 

“I am going to say a poem- well, it’s a lullaby, it’s zemnian, but you said it was nice to hear something in your language, a long time ago, so I am going to say it in celestial, and maybe when you come back you can teach me one in return.” Caleb gives Nott a nod and then begins to sing, softly but clearly, and releases Nott’s hand. She tugs on Caleb’s sleeve and he kneels, and she braids one strand of lilacs slowly into his hair, and then moves to Beau and tucks some into the tie that holds her hair up, and has Fjord kneel and tucks some behind his ear, and then into the ribbon on Jester’s horn, and she braids a bundle into Caduceus’ hair, and then with shaky hands in the silence into her own locks, before coming around to kneel where Yasha’s hair is soaking up mud, and she spends a minute arranging the beads and dreads and braids, before making a new one and tying the final bundle of lilacs into it. Nott rubs her eyes with muddy hands, leaving streaks to dry and crack on her cheeks, and goes back to stand beside Caleb, just as his song ends. 

Fjord gives Beau’s shoulder another squeeze then shuffles forward, standing beside her and stepping around a candle carefully. “Well, Yasha, I’ll make this short, but, you always come back to us. Always, I don’t know how you find us sometimes. And- Yasha, we really need you to find us right now. I know you can, we’re right here waiting for you.” Fjord looks anxiously down to Beau, it’s all she can do to give him a slight nod. As she lowers her eyes again she meets Jester’s across from her. They’re teary and red looking, and Jester unclenches her hands from her skirts and wipes them quickly before placing her hands on Yasha’s again. 

Jester begins to say something that’s swallowed in a sob, and takes a moment of deep breaths before speaking. 

“I can’t be the strongest, Yasha. You’re the strongest, and you’re really good at hitting stuff and I can but I’m not as good as you and I- we need you around to lift heavy things and also our spirits. You’re really good at both of those. And what Caduceus said...we love you, Yasha. I know we might not be  _ her _ , but Beau and I and everyone love you so much, and we want you back with us more than anything. So just, come back. Please.” Jester’s shoulder’s shake, her grip on Yasha’s hands growing tight enough that Beau leans forward and eases them off and into her own, kissing Jester’s temple while being careful of her horns. Jester catches her breath and nods, holding Beau’s hand but sitting back and watching her with teary eyes. 

“Alright. Yasha, Yash... I’m not as good with words as everyone else, and I know you didn’t think you were all that great either, but we’re both super cool in battle, and, we’ve done some cool shit together. We’ve talked to people, we’ve both grown out of our shells a lot. And I- don’t make us go through this again. Please. We’ve done this before, and we didn’t have the spells to even try and stop it, to bring them back. And you weren’t there but it still hit you hardest, because he was...he was special to you. So, just, know you’re that special to us. Don’t do that to us. Please.” Beau drops her and Jester’s joined hand to rest on Yasha’s, knocking one of the diamonds off her and into the mud. Jester squeaks and uses her free hand to wipe it off and put it back, then clenches her fist around her holy symbol where it lies on the book, and lets out a long slow breath. 

A warm pulse travels from Jester’s fist down, through Yasha and out around the bodies of each of the Mighty Nein. Beau doesn’t even realise her eyes have closed in silent wishing until they snap open, Yasha moving with a jolt under her fingertips and sending a diamond flying up to hit her cheek. 

“Ow, fuck!” Beau says reflexively, meeting Yasha’s mismatched eyes and feeling a forced laugh bubble in her throat. 

“What? I’m sorry. I’m confused.” Yasha’s voice is hoarse, but her own. Jester breaks down, diamonds (which, Beau thinks, weren’t those supposed to be used up?) be damned, and throws her arms around Yasha’s shoulders. Yasha lets her, patting her shoulder gently if timidly. 

“Don’t scare us like that, Yash.” Beau says, but it has no malice. Yasha swallows thickly and shrugs. 

“Sorry?” 

“Dammit-fuck you.” Beau feels Jester tug on the hand that she still has in a death grip, and she lets herself be tipped forward into Yasha’s arms. Her forehead rests against the cool skin of Yasha’s shoulder, and she’s still cut to shit and smells like gore and mud, but Beau lets her arms wind around Jester and Yasha both and holds them there and breathes. 

There’s some talking, Beau hears the candles being snuffed out and gathered. Nott joins their huddle, leaning up into Yasha’s side and pointing out the addition of the lilac to her hair. Eventually she pulls Caleb down as well, and quickly after that Fjord and Caduceus lean with their backs up against Yasha, and Caduceus does a group healing spell, and eventually Yasha pushes Beau and Jester back- just an arms length, and looks at them with wet makeup smudged eyes. 

“Thank you. For bringing me back.” She says gently, a genuine small smile on her lips. Beau shakes her head. 

“It’s what you’d do. For me or any of us.” 

“I know, but you... Zualla would want me to be here, with you, for as long as I can be.” Yasha lets go of their shoulders to wipe at her eyes. Caduceus makes a gentle affirmative noise, though he’s twirling the collected diamonds between his fingers curiously. 

“Do you know why these didn’t go away?” He asks. Yasha turns curiously, letting Jester slump back against her. Beau catches her hand as it threatens to slip out of reach, and notes the upturn at the corner of Yasha’s lips. 

“I don’t, besides maybe the Stormlord’s blessing, he wants me here enough that he- he made it extra easy?” Yasha offers. Caduceus considers this and then nods. 

“Well, hopefully there won’t be a next time, but,” He hands them over. Yasha takes them, fumbling at her pocket under the weight of Jester practically in her lap, and tucks them into the pouch. 

“Thank you, Caduceus. I heard your words, wherever I was.” Caduceus nods at her words, then pushes himself sorely back to his feet. 

“Should we go inside, then?” He gestures towards the shimmering door to Caleb’s mansion. Yasha nods, then gets a slight grin and pushes to her feet all at once, quickly dropping Beau’s hand to catch gesture bridal style. Jester squeals and then dissolves into laughter. Beau giggles and joggs behind Yasha as they all file into the mansion.  

Yasha gets a once over from Caduceus and ordered bed rest as long as the mansion stays up, and the rest of the party file off to the washroom or their beds. Beau is just unwinding the wrappings on her hands when there’s a knock at her door. 

“Uh, yeah, come in?” Beau calls, flexing her bloodied fingers. Her door swings open gently, and Jester shuffles in. She’s changed into a nightdress, and bathed if the scent of lavender soap is any indication. Her tail flicks quickly behind her, pushing the door closed. Beau shuffles back on the bed, patting the sheets next to her. 

“I know you probably wanted to go take a bath, I won’t keep you long I promise-” Jester starts, sitting a little stiffly at the edge of the crisp blue sheets. Beau reaches out to touch her, wrap an arm around her shoulders, something gentle and casual and comforting, something she’s done a hundred times before, but something about the way Jester’s tail continues to flick anxiously, and the stark difference between the clean blue skin of her shoulder and the blood and muck that’s drying still on Beau’s hand makes her pause and withdraw. 

“It’s okay Jes, what’s up?” 

“I just...I didn’t want to lose Yasha.” Jester says, tail curling up and wrinkling the sheets. 

“Of course not, none of us did. We got her back- thanks to you!” Beau resists the urge to reach out to Jester again, even as the tiefling shoulders sag and her head tips forward, hair obscuring her face. 

“It got me thinking- what would I say if we lost you?” Beau’s heart drops down to somewhere in the vicinity of her stomach. 

“Jes-” 

“No, let me- I figured it out, I wrote it down even, but then I got thinking- I don’t want to wait, to tell you how much I love you and how much I need you, I don’t want you to get killed and not know how-” Jester breaks off into a sob just as Beau pushes off the headboard, closing the distance and tugging Jester into her arms, blood and dirt be damned. Jester curls practically into her lap, twisting her head so her horn rests on Beau’s shoulder while her face smashes into her collar bone. Beau almost laughs as Jester’s tail comes to curl around her waist, tickling her sides. 

“Jester, I know all that. Of course I do.” Beau manages, rubbing circles on Jester’s shoulder and dropping her chin to the top of Jester’s head. Jester stiffles another sob and takes a few deep breaths. 

“Do you?” Jester asks finally, pulling away just enough to meet Beau’s eyes. 

“Of course, we’re roommates forever, right?” Beau can’t do anything to hide how her voice cracks. Jester smiles sadly. 

“Right. But I-” Jester bites her lip. “Yasha said Zualla would want her to be with all of us. And I’ve talked to her a little, about how happy she was. And she gave up getting that happiness again, or at least a chance of it, because she loves us. And it just got me thinking...I want to be happy, like that. Have someone- like that. You know?” Jester pulls out of Beau’s arms and fiddles with her hair, letting it fall out of its bun down to her shoulders. Beau tilts her head. 

“I’m not sure I follow.” 

“I...I love you, Beau. The same way Yasha talks about loving Zualla. And I want to have- I want you to love me too, so that if you die, or if I die, we can make sure to come back for each other. And I want to be happy, because what if something happens and I don’t get the chance. You make me happy.” Jester spills out the words, not quite meeting Beau’s eyes as she flicks some dried mud off her arms. Beau blinks, lightheaded. 

“Alright.” She manages, dizzy enough that she grabs onto the sheets for support. Jester freezes in her picking off of the dirt and looks at Beau. 

“Alright?” She squeaks. 

“Yeah. I mean, I love you, I haven’t really been hiding that, for a while now. I thought you weren’t interested, so I was happy to just, be friends.” Beau swallows what feels like a mouthful of cotton and reaches tentatively out towards Jester. A soft blue hand meets hers. “I’d be happy to uh, be with you. Fuck- I don’t do this kind of thing well, Jes, you’ve seen me, I’m a gone-in-the-morning type of girl. I promise that’s not what this would be.” 

“I’m- okay. I wasn’t worried about that.” Jester smiles softly at Beau. “I’m like, super special.” She adds, the joke doesn’t quite reach her eyes, but it’s close. Beau squeezes her hand. 

“You are.” Beau says softly, grinning despite herself when that makes Jester blush. 

“I’d kiss you but you’re like, super dirty, Beau.” Jester says after a moment of just looking at her. Beau looks down at herself, clothes ripped and burnt in places, stomach a mess of partially scabbed over wounds and smears of dirt. She wrinkles her nose. 

“I should probably bathe.” Beau says, relaxing her grip on Jester’s hand. 

“I’ll wait here for you, then?” Jester says, shifting along the bed to rest her back against the headboard. Her white dress stands out against her blue skin and the darker blue sheets. Beau’s breath catches in her throat. 

“Okay.” She manages, tearing her eyes away to find her pack and a change of clothes. She empties her pockets, fingers finding the diamond she’d grabbed from the mud. She turns it idly in her fingers, then sets it down amongst the rest of her things. Jester waves as Beau leaves, tugging blankets over herself and nearly disappearing in the bed. Beau makes a silent reminder to thank Caleb for the Mansion and all its wonders, and goes to wash away the day. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Marissa + Iris + Roe from the LGBT CR discord for coming up w people’s contribution lines, and general support of this fic! Sorry this didn’t wind up being as Yasha-centric as I originally planned, I never plot things out so I just kinda went wherever the writing winds took me. Look forward to lots more dnd stuff this week @ fjrumpkin on tumblr and in the CR lgbt discord (message @ transjester for info on that!)


End file.
